Let’s give some harmful advice to beginner essayists. And at the same time, let’s analyze the authors’ typical mistakes. Follow these tips, and you will be able to write the most “brilliant” opuses. You might even keep them as a souvenir.

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No more words!

The words capture the reader. He will be very interested to know how you came to this life, how beautiful the sunset is in your little homeland, how great it is that you came to Zlatoglavliva, how you enjoyed the sound of bells before you took the pen. More vintage epithets, more metaphors and comparisons – it will certainly be appreciated. If they can get used to it.

The longer the introduction, the better

Be sure to tell the reader about your life, who your parents and grandparents were, what made you choose the essay topic. An introduction that takes up half of the text is sure to intrigue the reader.

Don’t elaborate on anything; general words are your everything!

And in general, you need more water and clichés. Talk about the importance of your education as a teacher, translator, engineer, manager, the ideal place that is your university, office or city, the importance of ending wars in the world. Are you asked to write about what you would like to change about your university? Be sure to talk about faculty training and salary increases, new renovations or expanded curricula. Don’t give names or specific facts.

More facts!

Don’t know how to make a molehill out of a molehill? Do the opposite – fill your essay with facts. Names, dates, names of studies, their results, city and world news – anything will do. Your reader will certainly be amazed by your erudition and ability to work with information.  Make your conclusions shorter – you are writing for academics, who are able to find the logic and summarize on their own.

The longer the sentences, the “smarter” the writer sounds

Remember the classics and their half-page sentences? You can do that too, because you learned syntax in school and it’s not so hard to use participles and gerunds after a little practice. Use as many clever and simply long words as possible, and make big wordy sentences. This way you will sound very smart to the reader. The reader will just get scared after the first paragraph and close your essay, disappointed in his or her own intelligence.

Never, under any circumstances, reread your text

A man is not a writer, he is a reader. You did not write it for yourself, but for others, so let those others read your essay and admire your talent. It doesn’t matter how many “bullet points” the reader catches in your text, and how logical the presentation seems to him. You are a talent that does not need proofreading and editing. Full stop.